he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I think a kid would responsible me up
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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