dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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