Please, let me fuck your mom
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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