3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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