Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
