ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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