I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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