You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
