i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize