there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
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