I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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