I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
