maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
