"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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