yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
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