My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
