Don't make out with my wife yet
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Randomize