k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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