I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
i now understand why vodka
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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