yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
