I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
