Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
