Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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