It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
