just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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