Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
