my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
