New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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