My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
they need to just BURY HIM!
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I take back everything I said about communal showers
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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