You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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