Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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