Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize