happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Is Oprah even human
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
