accomplished twins. life is a go
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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