even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
