i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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