If that was your dad, he is hot
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
