So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
