At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
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