remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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