my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
So vagazzling was a success
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
