I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
