I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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