just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize