in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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