I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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