are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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