and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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