Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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