i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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