nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
