Redeem this text for a blowjob
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
