I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
