I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
