so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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