Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
