pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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