so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
