He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
