Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
