So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
We have started to decorate penises.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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