Her vagina should come with caution tape.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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