I looked at my own cervix.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
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