Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
