haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
