After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
