I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
i think my cat just said my name.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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