Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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