Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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