I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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