your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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