i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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