So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
