hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
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