I think my vagina is haunted
i barfeds in our rink
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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