god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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