Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
