I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
