its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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