Just cropdusted the office
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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