She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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