I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
