I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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