Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
