this beer tastes like vomit already
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
