You're completely useless in the revolution.
i think my tv is drunk
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
