you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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