Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
