It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
