***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
